5 May 2012

Thank You

Death is like a lecture which removes the ability to retort.

My dad means the very heart of the world to me, to express the least. And he seemed proud to in knowing I was surrounded by such wonderful people. When I'd heard the sad news about my father, I cried on behalf of the rain. This went on for two days incessantly. Tears are no power-of-water underestimate. They had stripped my face back toward such sensitivity that I had no choice but to force myself from crying. As my skin dried, I saw in the mirror- for several days, all sorts of ages above my own. Sixty, then fifty, through the forties, and thirties, then right back again to as I am now. No longer a mutation with the power to breech time, my face had retracted it's warning born of mercy- and my finger, once briefly raised at the thought of mortality- curled itself up into a loose little ball.

It's been a little over a month since the event, and a little under a week since I've returned to college. Having walked its corridors and either smiling or feeling uncertain whether to communicate at all, I've realised that this sort of matter is potentially just as delicate for me as it can be for the people around me. I don't mind talking about my dad or my experience in dealing with his death, however I never wish to bring anyone's temperament down. So to avoid any such awkwardness in bringing it up.. Without the need to say a word, I simply wanted to give my thanks to everyone for the overwhelming support in helping my family and I through this surrealistic time.

With thanks to:
My mum and brother for being so strong and inspiring with your strength, Kit for driving me all the way to London as soon as the news was met, Kit's family for their thoughtfulness and arranging contact, my family on home soil and overseas: Spencer for listening and being a relay, auntie for lending me her coat, Jenny for lending me her shoulder, V for giving me a hug, Tiffany, Zephyr, Isabel~ Also to my housemates for their incredible listening and warmth; Felix for the chicken feet and holding my hand, and Maurice for resounding thoughts. Matty, I can't thank you enough for the 'normal day' we had, and the bike ride we almost took- among many things for listening, for your love, laughter, and support where I didn't know where else to turn- Dad would have loved you so much, thanks also to your family who have welcomed me into their lives like family! Thanks so much, Lynne- you are always so immensely supportive~ And all my special friends from QE; Emma, Ash- love you all so much! To all my friends in Swindon: museum pals; Simon, Ashley and Albert~ Fellow comikers; Fred, Sarah, Bex- I can't even begin to express..! To my art, comic and internet pals- Colleen, Ken, Jon, Serge, Ness- Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your thoughts and coffee flavoured chocolates! To Raj, Dan and Paula, Celine and Samir for your open arms~ To all our neighbours who send their thoughts, my mum and dad's friends and all those who attended the funeral. Thanking everyone who helped us to organise the funeral; Emma from Churchill, and our speaker- I'm very sorry to have misplaced your name, Mr. Speaker- for making everything easy for mum. To the girl at Barclays who lost her own dad at eleven, and went far beyond her job to see through that I was alright- thanks for being kind to mum. Tremendous amounts of gratitude to everyone at college; my classmates, 3rd and 1st years, and amazing teachers- Nicky for the squeeze and smiles in the corridor first day back. Andy for the amusing novel which I've now christened with an ex-libris- thanks for delivering the orchid and handmade book of much appreciated thoughts and beautiful sentiments from everyone!  And Kerri for your kind thoughts~ Thanking you all from the bottom of my heart, for making it easy to be away from and also to return to college! And finally I'd like to mention and thank anyone who I may have foolishly forgot to mention. My utmost thanks to you all~

enoki x


  1. I hope you're adjusting okay :) I wish I could do more to help then I have, I've no idea what to do or say that can really be helpful in these kind of situations, other then I really hope you're happy for the present *hugs*

  2. Much appreciated, thank you. It was quite ironic to be going through Shelly Kagan's philosophical "Death" lectures at Yale about that time. Not as depressing as they sound. The lectures helped to rationalise the blow of this wreck. Much love to you :) Hope to see you soon ♥♥♥